Title: Authentic Relationships - Authentic Community
Scripture: I Thessalonians 2:1-8, Matthew 22:34-40
10/23/05 30th Sunday in Ordinary Time, Year A
Rev. Joy R. Haertig
Most of you know that I am a PK - a preacher's kid. From the time I was born to the time I moved out of the house at the age of 18, my father had served four different churches in three different states. I was already out of the house when he began his last full-time parish ministry in a new church start in Woodinville. I would guess that he would say that his last one was his most enjoyable and his next to last one was his most difficult. I have difficult memories of his next to last parish experience (I was in Jr. High and High School during these years), and of course I only heard bits and pieces of what was going on and only from his side of it. But, in a nutshell, after seven years as pastor there he was secretly driven out of the church by a small group of leaders for being too creative and not enough of a businessman.
By the time more people discovered what was happening - it was too late to turn things around. It was difficult to watch my dad go through this process and I learned how mean-spirited some people can be. I hid out in my room a lot when he would come home from meetings - he would be so discouraged and down - I remember even seeing him cry once which my father never did.
Most of us like to believe that this can't happen in the church - we aren't suppose to be mean-spirited, manipulative. But just like any other organization of human beings - we can be. Sometimes I wonder if because we have this image of the church as being free of strife (a little kingdom of heaven right here on earth), in our denial we - lay people and clergy alike - set ourselves up for dealing with our differences in ways that are indirect and often unkind.
In today's reading from the Gospel of Matthew we hear yet another story about the religious leaders testing Jesus with the hopes of cornering him into saying something heretical; prior to this they had tried to trick him into saying something that the Roman rulers could jail him for. They were angry with Jesus because he had been challenging their faithfulness to the spirit - not just the letter of the law -which they follow so carefully. Jesus was challenging, no doubt about that, but he was direct and honest in his speaking. They in turn would seek to trick him, hoping to make him stumble and fall.
In the reading from I Thessalonians, it is clear that Paul had to defend himself from accusations made about him. It reads “As you know and as God is our witness, we never came with words of flattery or with a pretext for greed.” Apparently some thought Paul was doing this tent ministry thing for the money! Now if he were a TV evangelist I might wonder the same thing - but this is Paul! No one gets rich on a tent building ministry! And others were accusing him of being deceitful and a trickster.” These accusations were coming to Paul indirectly - nothing was ever spoken to him face to face. As much as we can tell it was people outside of the Thessalonian church that were accusing Paul of these things and making the church members begin to question what was true.
Now don't begin to worry that this is all a build up to let you know that this kind of thing is happening in our church community - though it certainly could. No, I am more interested in seeing the example that Jesus and Paul give to us in these two readings, examples of integrity and courage in the face of conflict.
If we indeed love God with our whole heart, mind and body and our neighbor as we love ourselves, then along with all the “soft” side of Christianity like love, charity, kindness and forgiveness there must also be a commitment to honesty, integrity, accountability and justice.
We need, with God's help, to try to practice all of these virtues for any of them to really work, don't we?
Imagine love without honesty
Charity without integrity
Kindness without accountability
Or forgiveness without justice
Love for neighbor, significant other or self is meaningless without honesty. Honesty with no love is like being poked with a sharp stick.
Charity without integrity - without thoughtfulness, purpose and meaning can lead to resentment.
Integrity without charity is lonely and self-serving.
Kindness without accountability is what so many of us parents do with our children; they don't learn the give and take of living.
Accountability without kindness leads to meaningless duty.
Forgiveness without some form of justice stops us from learning from our mistakes.
Justice without forgiveness keeps us victims.
A few weeks ago I shared with you my discomfort with the word “nice”. A word often associated with being a Christian. This week in my daily devotional book I read this line: “We need never confuse being Christian with being nice.” It went on to say “Many times, when living up to our Christian values, we may not be nice… Telling the truth in love, holding people responsible for their actions, and challenging prejudicial beliefs and actions are all necessities of building authentic Christian community.
As we mature as people and grow spiritually, we learn how love, honesty, charity, integrity, kindness, accountability, forgiveness and justice are intertwined together and help us be authentic individuals and enable us to build authentic communities.
When my father announced his resignation to the congregation there were many people that were in a state of shock. In time their shock turned into anger. Anger at others but also anger at themselves for not paying attention to what was happening. At that time in the congregation there was a lot of “nice” going on but not a lot of authenticity. The blessing is that their way of being community began to change after that - and my dad was able to move on to a new ministry that fit his gifts.
It isn't easy. It can be terribly uncomfortable to speak the truth in love face to face with someone or to hold people accountable for their actions with kindness. It is a learning and maturing process for all of us - it takes a commitment and a willingness to change, it takes forgiveness and a base of mutual respect. In seeking to build authentic relationships and communities in this way - others can witness the presence of God through how we relate and care for one another even in the midst of conflict.
If we agree with Jesus that the two greatest commandments are to love God with all of our heart, mind and body and to love our neighbor as we love ourselves - then we will commit ourselves to being authentic with one another, both in and outside of the church. May it be so. Amen.