| Title: | Hearts Under Construction |
| Scripture: | Mark 1:9-15 |
| Date: | 3/9/03 First Sunday of Lent (Yr. B) |
| Rev. Joy Haertig |
“It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day, would you be mine, could you be mine, won't you be my neighbor.” I have been a big fan of Mister Rogers and his neighborhood for a very long time. I became an avid watcher when I was a teenage babysitter and then was delighted for an excuse to watch him again after our children were born. There was something about his absolute sincerity and ability to introduce real life to children in a way that was honest, creative and loving that has always been appealing to me.
My kids and I still remember how impressed we were with the time he interviewed a then famous football player that took ballet lessons to help him be more coordinated on the field. It was such a wonderful “outside of the box” kind of an example for both boys and girls to see, and their parents too.
But ultimately, I found Mr. Rogers show extremely valuable because of his head-on approach to the emotional life of children. New York Times writer, Daniel Lewis, shared these quotes from Fred Rogers: “The world is not always a kind place,” he said. “That's something all children learn for themselves, whether we want them to or not, but it's something they really need our help to understand.” (Lewis continues) [Mr. Rogers] believed that even the worst fears had to be “manageable and mentionable,” one way or another, and because of this he did not shy away from topics such as war, death, poverty and disability.”
To my knowledge, Mr. Rogers was the first one to speak openly, honestly, and non-judgmentally about divorce with children. In one of his classic programs he sat down at the kitchen table, looked straight at the camera so that you felt like he was looking right at you in your own living room and said: “Did you ever know any grown-ups who got married and then later they got a divorce? He asked. And then, after pausing to let that sink in, "Well, it is something people can talk about, and it's something important.” “I know a little boy and a little girl whose mother and father got divorced, and those children cried and cried. And you know why? Well, one reason was because they thought it was all their fault. But, of course, it wasn't their fault.” (Daniel Lewis, NY Times)
Rogers believed that his job and our job as parents, was to help our children manage AND talk about, even their worst fears. Not talking about them does not make them go away, in fact children are not much different than adults in that when we do not talk about them, most often those fears fester inside of us and become all the more frightening and overwhelming. Rogers understood the importance of naming our fears - of seeking help with the reality that our world and we humans are not perfect.
The season of Lent is traditionally a time when we are invited to confess our fears and struggles. At our Ash Wednesday service I invited all of us to write on a small piece of paper a prayer that expressed a fear or concern that blocked them from feeling and trusting God's abundant love. I then read those prayers out loud and they were burned in a bowl and used to make ashes that would then go on our foreheads. The honesty of those prayers was very powerful.
This ritual has two important parts for me: 1) We are given the opportunity to speak the “unspeakable”,to name our fears, our “dark sides”. 2) I believe that the very act of naming our fears, no matter our age, is the first step in making them more manageable and less toxic.
Today we heard the author of the Gospel of Mark's version of Jesus' baptism and then his being “driven” to the wilderness for 40 days. It is what I call the “nutshell” version of this experience, for the Gospel of Mark does not give us a lot of information about what happened there, we have to look towards Luke and Matthew for more details on the temptations Jesus faced. The stories of Jesus time in the wilderness suggest to me that Jesus had “dark sides” too, he had fears and struggles with doubts and temptations.
With God's help and the help of God's “angels”, he found a way to name them and “manage” them, one by one.
Most of us want our struggles, insecurities, anger, lust and worries to go away. We wish we could literally “burn” them up - wash them away, but they are a part of us, and our children, but we are always a people “under construction” (as was Jesus though we often try to set him apart from that). For some reason in my growing up, I never quite understood that it was okay that I made mistakes or got angry or afraid. Somehow I internalized the message that it was bad and that it was best if those kinds of feelings and reactions were stuffed down deep inside. I like to believe that in general, we are doing a better job of helping our children and youth learn that life is a process, not black or white - people like Mr. Rogers have helped children and parents talk about these kinds of things. Life is a rainbow of experiences and emotions that can be managed in a way that is loving and respectful of self and others.
The world is not always a kind place and we are not always kind people.
Our worst fears need to be “manageable and mentionable”, and right now as we stand on the brink of war, I wish that Mr. Rogers was here to help me and all of us deal with our fears and worries about the future. I have spent time with children who go to bed at night and have nightmares about the war. Our job as adults is to help them manage their fears as well as manage our own.
Dr. Northrup, an M.D. that specializes in women's health shared these thoughts regarding managing fear and worry in this time of world conflict- 1. Use your thoughts wisely. Thoughts have power. Use our thoughts to help create harmony rather than add to the conflict, do not direct hateful energy or thoughts towards those whose views are different from your own.
2. Create peace within yourself. Pray, spend time with friends, take walks, plant flowers.
3. Avoid watching TV or listening or reading the news too much so that you find yourself even more fearful and worried. Stay informed but do not spiral into a “chain of pain”.
…What are your thoughts? What would you offer for working with children or what is helping you manage through this time of conflict and stress?